Hampshire College President Edward Wingenbach announced this morning that as part of Hampshire’s ongoing role as a leader and innovator within higher education, narrative evaluations will soon be replaced with transdisciplinary sea shanties. The President’s announcement, itself delivered in shanty form, was met with a resounding rush of excited, shanty-like choruses from the campus community.

“We still believe that letter grades are inadequate evaluations,” intoned Wingenbach in a low, rhythmical baritone. “We aim to keep all that is essential about narrative evaluations to assess performance and progress, but build on them by adding a lyrical quality that also appeals to TikTok influencers and sea captains alike.”

These Narrative Evaluation Sea Shanties (NESS) will be recorded by faculty in the Hampshire Yurt and delivered to students as vinyl records imprinted at Hampshire’s own Center for Design. A DJ-led dance party at the College’s upcoming 50th anniversary celebration will also feature remixed EDM versions of these NESSes, offering the community a chance to kick up their heels and get down to the sound of learning.

“What we see here is a culmination of fifty years of transformation in higher education taking us again down a revolutionary path. Hampshire continues to thrive and innovate, even under extraordinary circumstances. Our narrative evaluations should do the same,” Wingenbach sang.